Monday, 13 May 2013

Bonding

Once you've found your happy-ever-after, there are a few major milestones most people will go through as a couple which really define you, moments that really burn into your memory and bond the pair of you forever.

Some are minor things, the clearing out of a spare drawer to leave space for overnight things or buying of a spare toothbrush, or even another pillow.  I can remember walking home having bought a new pillow (which incidentally was for me only) and getting catcalls from some merry drunks who thought I was planning on being lucky that night... I digress.

But some of those shared moments are really big'uns. Like moving into your first shared home, being proposed to (or proposing), and welcoming a new baby into the world.

And these big moments don't tend to be included in Regency romance novels, or at least not the ones that I read, except perhaps as a brief epilogue. Historical novels are concerned about getting to the happy ever after and the hero and heroine tend to be left to their own devices after that. Even when children are involved with the story, or the characters are being reunited, the actual births or marriages are skipped over, or tainted with the bitterness of the ensuing breakup. In times where a woman would be ruined by carrying a bastard child, the unexpected baby hook doesn't tend to be used that much.

Which is a shame.

Because these moments are so important.

I've recently gone through the welcoming the new baby into the world moment. In fact, I went through it twice in the space of two minutes. This time was very different than for my other two children as I had a planned c-section rather than going through a labour with my husband (to be followed by emergency c-sections both times). But the feeling of bonding was just the same, waiting around together, holding hands, knowing that in a few short minutes our lives were going to change forever.

All the hustle and bustle of hospital staff, the bright lights, sterile rooms and multitude of cables and drips everywhere, all of that stuff kind of fades into the background and you are just left with two people waiting with bated breath, desperately hoping everything will be alright, ready to hold their newborn or newborns in their arms.

And I don't mind admitting I cried. I don't remember crying with my elder daughters, but I definitely cried when Lily and James' cries pierced the room. All the months and months of stress and heartache with this pregnancy, finally over. And my husband was there holding my hand and in that instant I knew that all along, whatever happened, good or bad, we would have faced it together.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, but I wanted to share. Romance isn't all about kisses and steamy moments, long stemmed roses or being helped past a muddy puddle. It can be about the nitty gritty bits of life, about being together when you're scared to death, when you haven't slept in forever and you'd give anything to be able to fast forward and know that everything turns out alright. Moments you'll remember for the rest of your life.

Me and my brood.

Jess' Posts

2 comments:

  1. You know, I just don't have anything to add to that. What a beautiful post, Jess. And I agree. True love are the ugly moments that pull you together. I can honestly say I love my husband more now than when I married him...because of all those moments. Beautiful post. and a beautiful picture! You all make such a pretty family. Your kids are adorable! :)

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  2. Beautiful! And what a beautiful brood - you look so well! I get irritated reading episodic series where you see couples you had met in previous books and they're ridiculously unrealistic. Big thumbs down on Johanna Lindsay for that - her Mallorans are like a TRIBE of smug marrieds - but a big thumbs up for Lisa Kleypas who manages to paint a picture of married couples who still have all their quirks and weaknesses but are happy.

    It's NICE to meet characters again who are experiencing challenges and joys a little further down the line. It gives a maturity to the romance.

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